As most of you know, Ryan and I had been trying for about 7-8 months to get pregnant. On March 29, 2011 it was one of the most EXCITING evenings! We discovered I was pregnant and we were thrilled at the thought of being parents in 9 months! There was soooo much to do and we couldn't wait!
The next 6 days went by and we told our families, which was very exciting! It wasn't too fun how we told, but the fun part was just letting it out! Everyone had been so supportive.
When I was about 6 weeks, about 2 weeks after I had found out we decided to tell friends and the facebook world. For some reason I felt a little paranoid about telling people too early which was weird of me. I always thought I would be the one to blurt it out right when I found out, but something was holding me back just a little from wanting to tell people.
We had our appointment for our 1st ultrasound with Dr. Mckernan (an amazing doctor if any of you are interested in finding a good doctor) at 8 weeks. This was Tuesday April 26. How I couldn't wait! It was like Christmas morning! I jumped on Ryan at like 8am and said, we are going to see our baby today!!! Little did I know about what was coming.
Well we went in for the Ultrasound and they were having a little trouble finding the baby in the yolk sac with the standard ultrasound, so they decided to do the transvaginal scan. I wasn't too worried yet, I guess I didn't really think anything bad was going to happen to us. Well they did the ultrasound and barely found a little blur looking thing that was only measuring about 5 weeks and 6 days and no heartbeat. Now remember, I was supposed to be 8 weeks and I have very solid dates..(I keep track of everything very well so there was NO way my dates were wrong at all).
I started feeling pretty sick thinking about it. What was happening? I had never passed any blood or had ANY cramping... but about a few days before the ultrasound I noticed my pregnancy symptoms were subsiding and worried for about a day and then thought nothing of it anymore when I thought I started experience a little nausea.... I thought this was due to morning sickness. Well when the doctor came in, he was extremely kind and tried to make us feel better. He said he just hoped my dates were wrong, but what we could be experiencing is called embryonic gestations, which means that the fertilized egg simply fails to develop for unknown reasons. He told me he wanted to come back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound, but wanted to test my hormone levels before I left and told me to come back again two days later for another blood test. That Tuesday was probably the worst day of my life. I knew something was very wrong and I knew it wasn't going to have a happy ending. I moped around all day and asked "why me"? I definitely had a rough week after that day, but I seemed to hold myself together alright. I had looked online and discovered that all of my symptoms and everything I learned at the doctor's office was called a missed abortion (abortion meaning miscarriage).Basically the fetus stops growing and dies and your body doesn't recognized that it has died, therefore you pass nothing and still think your pregnant. Well The day after the second test they called with the news. My hormone levels were dropping and they should be tripling everyday when you are pregnant. We were scheduled for an emergency ultrasound 3 days later. That ultrasound confirmed that there was no heartbeat and because my body hadn't done so already, they needed to perform a D&C (dilation and curettage) this is where you are given general anesthesia and they dilate your cervix and any retained fetal or placental tissue will be removed.
I received the D&C procedure yesterday. I am surprisingly feeling very good. I have had so much love and support from so many wonderful friends and family. My mom traveled up to phoenix just to be with me during this surgery. Friends have brought us dinner, texted, called, prayed for us and visited. Mine and Ryan's family have also been sooo supportive. This morning at 4am I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep (not because of any pain.. I honestly haven't had any... I have actually been really comfortable.. and I know it is from all the prayers. But I just couldn't stop thinking about this trial and how much has happened in the last 2 months. Its definitely been an emotional rollercoaster.
I received a book the other day from some very good friends of mine.. called Divine Signatures, The Confirming Hand of God by Gerald N. Lund.
I decided to start reading it when I couldn't fall asleep. This author talks about our trials and tells us, The Lord knows what we are going through. He does not give us trials cause he's "out to get us and make us sad". They are learning experiences. They are not always easy to overcome, but we can get through them. Something he says that was really important to me was "To strengthen our faith and deepen our testimony to the point that we can successfully endure to the end, we must know with a surety that:
• God is our Heavenly Father, and we are his literal children.
• He and his beloved son want us to be happy and eventually come to the fullness of joy.
• They know us intimately and love us infinitely.
• They want to bless us, and they actually take great joy in doing so."
This is the rock of our foundation in the church. If we have faith in him, we will have the strength to get through these hard trials. I know that Ryan and I will get through this. I know that one day we will get pregnant and carry a healthy baby to full term. I am so blessed to have this knowledge and to have such a wonderful supportive family and friends. I love you guys so much and am so grateful for all of you. Thank you for all you have done for us. Thank you for all the support, prayers, text messages, phone calls, visits, dinners and friendships. We will forever and always appreciate how you made us feel during this time.
Well thats not the only thing going on in our lives. We have had so many great things happening. Hopefully I can get the order of everythinng right.
Back at the end of March, we sold our Landscaping business. Ryan has gotten his Real Estate license and has started working at Ultimate Properties with his parents.
http://ultimate-properties.com/
He gets to wear very professional attire and works 8:30am to 5pm and is enjoying it very much. He is learning so much. He is almost done with his Bachelors in Property Management also. I am so proud of you Ryan.
I got a job in March at Justice Just For Girls on 91st and Northern and I love it. I love all of my co-worker and my managers. I work part time and its a nice little job that gives me something to do.
After all these changes we had the oppertunity to go 50/50 on a 4 seater Polaris Ranger. Ryan and his dad LOVE it.. and anyone else that goes on a ride.
The next 6 days went by and we told our families, which was very exciting! It wasn't too fun how we told, but the fun part was just letting it out! Everyone had been so supportive.
When I was about 6 weeks, about 2 weeks after I had found out we decided to tell friends and the facebook world. For some reason I felt a little paranoid about telling people too early which was weird of me. I always thought I would be the one to blurt it out right when I found out, but something was holding me back just a little from wanting to tell people.
We had our appointment for our 1st ultrasound with Dr. Mckernan (an amazing doctor if any of you are interested in finding a good doctor) at 8 weeks. This was Tuesday April 26. How I couldn't wait! It was like Christmas morning! I jumped on Ryan at like 8am and said, we are going to see our baby today!!! Little did I know about what was coming.
Well we went in for the Ultrasound and they were having a little trouble finding the baby in the yolk sac with the standard ultrasound, so they decided to do the transvaginal scan. I wasn't too worried yet, I guess I didn't really think anything bad was going to happen to us. Well they did the ultrasound and barely found a little blur looking thing that was only measuring about 5 weeks and 6 days and no heartbeat. Now remember, I was supposed to be 8 weeks and I have very solid dates..(I keep track of everything very well so there was NO way my dates were wrong at all).
I started feeling pretty sick thinking about it. What was happening? I had never passed any blood or had ANY cramping... but about a few days before the ultrasound I noticed my pregnancy symptoms were subsiding and worried for about a day and then thought nothing of it anymore when I thought I started experience a little nausea.... I thought this was due to morning sickness. Well when the doctor came in, he was extremely kind and tried to make us feel better. He said he just hoped my dates were wrong, but what we could be experiencing is called embryonic gestations, which means that the fertilized egg simply fails to develop for unknown reasons. He told me he wanted to come back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound, but wanted to test my hormone levels before I left and told me to come back again two days later for another blood test. That Tuesday was probably the worst day of my life. I knew something was very wrong and I knew it wasn't going to have a happy ending. I moped around all day and asked "why me"? I definitely had a rough week after that day, but I seemed to hold myself together alright. I had looked online and discovered that all of my symptoms and everything I learned at the doctor's office was called a missed abortion (abortion meaning miscarriage).Basically the fetus stops growing and dies and your body doesn't recognized that it has died, therefore you pass nothing and still think your pregnant. Well The day after the second test they called with the news. My hormone levels were dropping and they should be tripling everyday when you are pregnant. We were scheduled for an emergency ultrasound 3 days later. That ultrasound confirmed that there was no heartbeat and because my body hadn't done so already, they needed to perform a D&C (dilation and curettage) this is where you are given general anesthesia and they dilate your cervix and any retained fetal or placental tissue will be removed.
I received the D&C procedure yesterday. I am surprisingly feeling very good. I have had so much love and support from so many wonderful friends and family. My mom traveled up to phoenix just to be with me during this surgery. Friends have brought us dinner, texted, called, prayed for us and visited. Mine and Ryan's family have also been sooo supportive. This morning at 4am I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep (not because of any pain.. I honestly haven't had any... I have actually been really comfortable.. and I know it is from all the prayers. But I just couldn't stop thinking about this trial and how much has happened in the last 2 months. Its definitely been an emotional rollercoaster.
I received a book the other day from some very good friends of mine.. called Divine Signatures, The Confirming Hand of God by Gerald N. Lund.
I decided to start reading it when I couldn't fall asleep. This author talks about our trials and tells us, The Lord knows what we are going through. He does not give us trials cause he's "out to get us and make us sad". They are learning experiences. They are not always easy to overcome, but we can get through them. Something he says that was really important to me was "To strengthen our faith and deepen our testimony to the point that we can successfully endure to the end, we must know with a surety that:
• God is our Heavenly Father, and we are his literal children.
• He and his beloved son want us to be happy and eventually come to the fullness of joy.
• They know us intimately and love us infinitely.
• They want to bless us, and they actually take great joy in doing so."
This is the rock of our foundation in the church. If we have faith in him, we will have the strength to get through these hard trials. I know that Ryan and I will get through this. I know that one day we will get pregnant and carry a healthy baby to full term. I am so blessed to have this knowledge and to have such a wonderful supportive family and friends. I love you guys so much and am so grateful for all of you. Thank you for all you have done for us. Thank you for all the support, prayers, text messages, phone calls, visits, dinners and friendships. We will forever and always appreciate how you made us feel during this time.
Well thats not the only thing going on in our lives. We have had so many great things happening. Hopefully I can get the order of everythinng right.
Back at the end of March, we sold our Landscaping business. Ryan has gotten his Real Estate license and has started working at Ultimate Properties with his parents.
http://ultimate-properties.com/
He gets to wear very professional attire and works 8:30am to 5pm and is enjoying it very much. He is learning so much. He is almost done with his Bachelors in Property Management also. I am so proud of you Ryan.
I got a job in March at Justice Just For Girls on 91st and Northern and I love it. I love all of my co-worker and my managers. I work part time and its a nice little job that gives me something to do.
After all these changes we had the oppertunity to go 50/50 on a 4 seater Polaris Ranger. Ryan and his dad LOVE it.. and anyone else that goes on a ride.
For Easter we got to go visit Thatcher and spend time with our whole family. The only two missing were Jake and Shawn. We missed you boys! Aubrey and her boys flew down from Idaho and my Grandma and Grandpa Robinson came down from Cali! What a fun time! I love you guys!
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| Conner just bein cute! |
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| We took the Ranger to Frye Mesa in Thatcher |
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| Ariana soaked! |
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| I love the Zaugg boys in this picture! |
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| Kyle and Ariana played in the sprinklers when they came on to water the grass... it was FREEZING! (But they seemed to LOVE it)! |
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| Me and my mom at Frye Mesa. OH AND ONE MORE THING! My little/big brother Jacob got his mission call and is going to the Argentina Salta Misson reporting to the Provo MTC August 17th. We are so proud and excited for you Jake! |
11 comments:
I LOVE YOU!!! It broke my heart to read this!! You are one of my favorite persons in this whole world. You are such an amazing friend. I love You!!!!!!!!!!!
Kamron I love you too! It has been hard, but we are going to be just fine! Give Channing a kiss for me and I hope you are feeling good with your pregnancy! :) love you!!
You have such a good perspective and attitude about this whole ordeal. You are such a sweet heart and will be so blessed someday (hopefully soon!). That baby is going to be the luckiest baby ever to have you as a mommy. :)
we went through a miscarriage too. No fun! One of my hardest trials but remembering our Heavenly Father through it all is the best way to get through it! Hang in there!!
Baby Sis... the strength in you is amazing! I'm impressed with your faith and understanding through this trial. I love you!
Gosh dang it Briana, Im so sorry! I felt the same way Kamron did reading this... it broke my heart! BUT... I am so amazed at how strong and understanding you are! I look up to you and know youre an extra special girl, and everyone knows that! Those babies waiting in heaven can hardly wait to come to you because they know what an amazing mom you will be! Youre in my prayers Briana! I love you!
Yep I hate this situation. I was so delighted to hear about your pregnancy and am now so delighted to hear of your faith. My sister went through a very similar miscarriage about this same time last year. I will probably give her the link to your post. I love you guys and I'm sure we'll be seeing you very soon since the Sorensens are back in town!
Briana! I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's amazing how attached you can become to a little person growing inside you. I'm so glad you know that this was to help you and Ryan grow and learn. I hope you are doing okay! I love you Briana!
Hi Bri- I'm Allison Barry's little sister and she sent me the link to your blog. My heart goes out to you more than I can explain because my husband and I went through the same exact thing last year. It was a horrible roller coaster of emotions- from not knowing what was going on with my precious little baby to the emotional aftermath of losing the child I had begged and prayed for for so long. I don't care how far along you are, it's still your child and the pain is unexplainable. I lost mine in July and I still find myself randomly crying and missing the baby that I never had the chance to know. But the tears are very healing and it sounds like you already know that God is our Almighty Comforter. Please know you are not alone and that everything is in His timing. We struggled to get pregnant for many months and then lost our baby- now 9 months later I sit and write this 12 weeks pregnant... and we were NOT trying. Our God is faithful and he knows the desires of your heart even better than you! Your family is in our prayers. -Whitney
you need to start blogging again. you have so much new stuff to talk about! =-)
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